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BioWare versus the killer, rabies-carrying, zombie rabbit mountain. By Tom Ohle March 04, 2002 On February 23rd, 2002, numerous BioWare employees embarked on an epic journey to the monstrous land formation locals have dubbed "Rabbit Hill." Roughly twelve times as tall as Everest, and 234 billion times as dangerous as K2, "Rabbit Hill" has never even been touched by human feet—the only known inhabitants are vampires and Evil Santa Claus—so the BioWare group’s goal of actually snowboarding and skiing on the mountain seemed absolutely nutty. As BioWarians gathered at the bottom, anxiety grew, and many questioned the viability and sanity of the quest. Chris Priestly was even quoted as saying, "That thing is more evil than even my most evil pair of Scooby Doo underpants!" That’s evil, folks. Eeeeeevil! Many questioned their religion, their beliefs, and the cleanliness of their undergarments; but in the end, all agreed that the goal had to be achieved. The mountain was even more unforgiving than anyone had ever imagined. Even with the surprising appearance of a chair lift through the fog, it seemed like no one would escape from the monster’s grasp with his or her life. As the adventurers made their way down the steep and treacherous slope, the mountain thrashed them around, causing bruises, death, sprains, a bad case of the hiccups, and even a broken arm! Once the first of the group finally reached the bottom, something startling happened. The fog dissipated, the sun broke free of the clouds, and the wind whistled around the mountain in a manner that almost sounded like a sigh of relief… it was as if the mountain said, "Thank you. Thank you all, you wonderful people. Thank you for releasing me from my torment." It was as if, by thrashing around on it with composite fiberglass death-sleds strapped to their feet, the adventurers burped the mountain, much in the way a caring mother burps her infant child. They had released the mountain’s proverbial gas. Thus ends the adventure of "BioWare versus the killer, rabies-carrying, zombie rabbit mountain." Stay tuned for the further adventures of BioWare. As they take on other mountains. And burp them till their heart’s content. What follows is a collection of comments about the REAL trip, from REAL people. Not comments from vampires about the treacherous journey I had envisioned in my dreams. Truly, it was a highly successful trip to the not-so-monstrous Rabbit Hill, where much fun was had—the mountain didn’t kill anyone, although my previous reports of bruises and a broken arm are true. I’m still investigating the validity of the bad case of hiccups. I just don’t see that happening. Anyway, on to the comments! Brad Grier (Communications Manager): "I fought the hill and the hill won! :-( Ow!" Chris Priestly (Quality Assurance): "Even though I was not on the slopes I still had a great time. Ray and I stayed at the bottom, smoking his expensive cigars and cheering on our friends and co-workers. And, despite rumors, we were not laughing at people who crashed and burned. We were laughing with them. It was a great night." John Santos (Animator): "Although receiving minor bumps and bruises for souvenirs, my girlfriend and I had an awesome time!" Mark How (Animator): "I had such a great time, as I'm sure everyone did." Nathan Frederick (Quality Assurance): "Learning to snowboard was a great way to unwind from Neverwinter testing (and for once, it was ME that was crashing). Depending how long winter lasts, I'm hoping I can get another shot or two at that hill again..." Scott Horner (Quality Assurance): "When flying towards a metal box, make sure you duck your head. Also don't let the tow-rope steal your gloves." Stanley Woo (QA Ninja): "Last weekend, BioWare sponsored a ski and snowboard trip to Rabbit Hill, which sits outside Edmonton, in the middle of nowhere. My friend and I got lost, as I thought one could get there via Rabbit Hill Road, which is on the south side of town. How silly of me to think that. Instead, one had to take Highway 2 South, and turn West on Hwy 19. It's out by Nisku and the Edmonton International Airport, nowhere NEAR Rabbit Hill Road and not even IN Edmonton. Next time, I ask directions BEFORE I head out... or read the email, which gives out those directions. But we got there with minutes to spare, and spent considerable time figuring out equipment rental, boot lacing, and trying to move with that snowboard attached to one foot. This was my first time on skis or snowboard. The unfamiliar weight on my foot and the seeming wrongness of moving forward while facing off to the side made learning to snowboard an interesting experience. I was horizontal more often than I was vertical, and I spent more time trying to get to a standing position than actually boarding. The other difficulty was getting back up the hill via the unforgiving tow-rope. When I wasn't falling on my ass or knees or falling up the hill on the tow-rope, I was trying to do a "back side heel slide" or a "front side heel slide," two l33t moves that are a mainstay of every snowboarder's repertoire. After that, I pretty much gave up and went inside for snacks and juice. Whew, a full hour of snowboarding really takes a lot out of a guy who has never skied or boarded or skated or bladed or even skateboarded. The closest I've come is scooting, but that's a different kettle of mongooses entirely. But I did have fun, and next time, I will try skiing instead." Teresa Stevenson (Communications Coordinator): "It was good fun. The weather was decent, and we had a great turn out that night. That was one of the best BW events we've had. We should do another ski event, maybe next time in Jasper!!" BioWare at Rabbit Hill on Feb 23, 2002
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