Weekend Warriors

By Tom Ohle (Blue Team) and Alain Baxter (Yellow Team) Aug 16, 2002

(Written by someone on the blue team, who obviously played somewhere else...)

I squinted as the sun broke through the blinds on my window, valiantly struggling to keep the rays out of my eyes. I shuffled around, trying to get back to sleep. Outside an ambulance roared, and I could hear a couple having a conversation about their young son. I passed out once more, into a light, euphoric sleep. It seemed like a normal Sunday... until the alarm clock rang. After a brief moment of confusion that had me clicking towards my alarm clock, as if it was actually going to be shut off by the invisible remote control in my hand, I thought to myself: why would my alarm clock be set on a Sunday? Ah yes. War.

Weekend Warriors

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I stumble from my sleeping quarters and into the mess hall. I drink a few glasses of water to flush the toxins from the previous night out of my system, and then get ready for battle. My mind and body must be clear for the coming events. I am to join a number of my fellow BioWarriors somewhere on the outskirts of Edmonton to engage in a paint-free, yet deadly battle to the death... minus the death, with a lot more paint. You see, it's paintball day. It's just a matter of time before I find myself in the midst of a gunfight with the very people I'm supposed to trust on a daily basis. I will be trying to shoot them, as they attempt to return the favor. What they don't know is that I've been playing the Army game quite a bit lately. Advantage Tom.

 

Enough of my incessant rambling about tactics and battle jargon. We had 12 people in our group, which made for a perfect little game of 6 on 6. After being explained the rules, we were divided into two teams: Yellow and Blue. I was happy to be on the blue team, since blue is a cooler color than yellow.

Around 11:30am, we finally managed to get out into the field and start the battle. Right from the start, Blue's dominance was obvious; the first true sign of Yellow's fear of its opponent came when James Ohlen, BioWare's mighty Director of Writing/Design, decided that the gun he was given just wasn't up to snuff; he needed a new one. But this second gun also didn't cut it; James continued to complain until he received his third gun of the day. I think you can all guess what happened after this point: James' Yellow squad continued to lose... repeatedly and convincingly. Maybe it wasn't James' gun at all, but rather his lack of skill? Hmm, that's something to ponder. In one round, all 6 Blue soldiers survived, while each and every member of the Yellow team rolled over and exposed their team-name-colored underbellies. Game after game, Blue showcased its superiority.

In all, the day was a success. Granted, Yellow was truly annihilated, but everyone had a good time. Our barbecue lunch was good, there was only one reported wasp sting, loads of scrapes and welts, poison ivy seemingly made sweet love to my knee, and mosquitoes managed to score a relative tanker-load of blood... but it was a great way to spend a Sunday. Three cheers to everyone who organized the event, and to all those who fought valiantly and didn't complain about their gun. Hooah.

(Yellow Team response... and even a more factual representation...)

It was Sunday morning, the day many Biowarians had anticipated for weeks. Today was paintball day—an event that many of us enjoy and look forward to on summer days. The day was looking to be weather-perfect and the air filled with paintballs.

Lucky for us, we Biowarians take this sport in stride. There are no commandos; no I-Play-in-the-Army freaks in our group (mostly). You know the types if you've ever played paintball: dressed in camouflage and bandanas, quietly talking to their guns. You always wonder when they left reality...

We showed up at 10:30am, and our first game started at 11:30ish. There were 12 of us, and we split into 2 teams. Oh, and the bit of blue being cooler the yellow? Man, try standing under the hot sun in dark blue, and tell me you feel "cooler." Yellow is fine. The idea of the colours was to allow you to distinguish between your teammates and your enemies. But wait, blue still had a problem with that.  Blue must include "killing ones own teammates" in their overall definition of slaughter. [Blue sidenote: only one person on Blue couldn't distinguish between friend and foe... and that person managed 2 confirmed team-kills, which may be more Blue kills than Yellow could manage all day.]

We played about a dozen games, and yes, overall, blue did win most. But, didn't yellow once slaughter all blue once? Yes! Didn't yellow win a few rounds on their own? Yes! So, just to clarify those mathematically challenged (cough...blue team... cough), there was NO WAY blue could have won all the games if they had been slaughtered (6 yellow vs. 0 blue... show me how you won this one? :P )

Best moments? Alain Baxter (yellow) charging 2 entrenched Blues and when the dust cleared... he survived with 2 kills. Tom Zaplachinski getting hit by a rogue paintball within seconds of the start whistle, wondering how that random paintball hit him (try not to stand still, looking at the clouds). Scott Langevin's (blue) strategy of casually walking around the field shooting yellow when he saw them, and then disappearing into the shadows when fired upon. Dean Andersen, the man who flanked the flankers... always somehow got behind you in the smallest fields (curse you!). James Ohlen's (yellow) gun problems. Yes, he switched 3 times. Remarkable odds, huh?

Overall, we all had a blast (sorry about that). Yes, Blue won the most, but yellow didn't make it easy for them (well, mostly! :P).

Ciao!